म्य्सेल्फ़,तवो words

I’ve been blessed with a LOT of free time and I’ve been thinking and thinking and I now realise something I’ve know all along, that my life lacks any sense of direction. I fell sick and I realised almost nobody in this world missed me, I realise that if I were to die this instant nobody will notice, life will just be the same for almost all the ppl I know. I realise one’s life should be measured by the number of people he touches, he influences, he cares about, the number of people who would notice immediately that he’s gone and as I lie alone in my bed Annie Hall comes to mind and Woody Allen’s Quote rings in my ears…

“I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That’s the two categories. The horrible are like, I don’t know, terminal cases, you know, and blind people, crippled. I don’t know how they get through life. It’s amazing to me. And the miserable is everyone else. So you should be thankful that you’re miserable, because that’s very lucky, to be miserable.”

Indeed how fortunate most of us are to be miserable…

I toss and turn in my bed, with nothing else but my silly computer for company coz you know after a few hours the internet, movies, music everything sorta start messing with your head and you get so bored you wanna shout but you can’t…

I close my eyes in disgust, think What’s the purpose? What’s the reason for living? What’s the reson for Consciousness? What’s the reason for pain? What’s the reason for The Universe ? What’s the reason for everything? I guess I just have to forget these questions and continue with my sorry little life. Maybe as Agent Smith in The Matrix says There is no purpose to life but I know he’s the bad guy and his views are wrong but why are we able to accept our lives when nothing truly ever matters?
In the end I guess all that matters is you are happy btu when you start losing the only thing that makes you happy what do you do?

I goto my terrace, lie down, look up to the stars, start spotting some constellations, some planets and i realise how truly insignificant I am. How meaningless my problems my fears my pains are… I see the beautiful night sky and I’m happy for all the ppl who are happy at that moment, I’m hopeful for all the ppl who are broken,down and sad. In the dark cool night illuminated by the stars I realise even though I may mean nothing to ppl there are some personal pleasures worth living for..

As I kick the football by myself with not a soul around I realise somthing that sums up my entire life till now, I think about how few people I’ve managed to keep hold of, how few I’ve influenced…
I realise that I am A Lonely Failure..